Fear

I wrote the first part of this when it really hit home what Angie and I were committing ourselves to.

I am absolutely terrified. My heart is trying to pound itself out of my chest. My palms are sweating, and my hands are shaking so badly that it’s hard for me to type this. This is insane. We’re going to bring an almost teenager with special needs and a completely unknown history out of an orphanage on the other side of the world and into our home with young children. What if she has mental health issues? What if she has a history of abuse? What if she abuses Claudia or ‘Chance’? They couldn't even tell us if something were happening. What if she harms herself, hurts Claudia, hurts us, tells lies about us, burns our house down or just completely and utterly ruins our family and our lives?

But that is all from my perspective. My views. My fears. What about Callie’s perspective?

Callie shares a room with another orphan. All of her belongings are second, third or fourth hand. She knows she is different because she doesn't come home from school to a Mom or Dad. She has friends, but no brothers or sisters. She has adults in her life, but no one permanent. Does she wonder if she was abandoned because she isn't smart enough, or pretty enough? Does she pray for a family every night? Does she think that God has forsaken her? Or wonder how God could love her, yet leave her in an orphanage?

And what if she was your daughter? Say one date night you and your significant other are driving home from the movie theater, and the last thing the two of you ever see are the headlights of a drunk driver. Your family is unwilling, unable or unavailable to take care of the child you love so much. All your hopes and dreams for your little one get stuffed into a suitcase with a handful of their possessions, and they’ll be sent off to live with well-intentioned, overworked, underpaid strangers. At least you hope they have good intentions. How long would you want your child to live in that orphanage, knowing they will make extremely limited developmental progress, if any? How many times would you want to watch your child start to love one of their caretakers like a parent, only to have that person leave? How many years of waiting for a family would be acceptable to you? Would you be OK with them ‘aging out’ of the home, knowing that there’s a 3 in 4 chance they’ll wind up as a slave, in jail or dead within a year?

My goal in writing this is not to guilt anyone into anything. I’m not going to reference a bunch of scripture commanding Christians to act in these situations (although there is a ton of it.) I’m just hoping to explain in part what motivates Angie and I to do the things we do. We’re not ignorant  to the reality of the situation. We understand the potential negative consequences. We've heard all of the horror stories, and we have friends who have firsthand experience with very hurt children. We have a fair amount of knowledge and experience of our own. We approach these decisions deliberately and prayerfully, with the council of people we trust. That said, it’s still absolutely terrifying. And exciting. And rewarding, fulfilling, and above all, it is worthwhile for me to spend a good portion of my life on behalf of “the least of these” in service to God.

One Year Home

So a year ago today, right around this time, I was reunited with Angeline VanHalle after being apart for a month, and Claudia and I were both able to give her a big hug and kiss. We were all run-down, beat-up and exhausted…I think. I mean, ...it’s the only thing that makes sense, right?

I had been up for 30+ hours, traveling with an upset toddler the entire time, including a five hour layover in JFK after a 6 hour flight. Angie had to take a Nursing Exam the morning that we were scheduled to get home – she finished it and drove right to the airport to pick us up. Claudia still had a lot of adjusting left to do. I had a massive headache from having lost my broken glasses, and the eyestrain it caused me to try to read signs in the airports. Angie hadn’t been sleeping well, and the additional stress of Claudia and I being so far away was really taking its toll - on top of her last semester of school. The house we were going home to wasn’t big enough for us all, and wasn’t as finished as I wanted it to be.

But I have to work pretty hard to remember all of that, just a year later. What I do remember is the feeling of holding Angie again after being apart. Of stepping off the plane with Claudia knowing that she is now a US Citizen, and that we’re almost home. Getting home and falling asleep with my wife and daughter. Appreciating that I can reach out and take my wife’s hand whenever I want – not having to use Skype to talk to her. Seeing Angie and Claudia together again, after way too little time in Colombia. Even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could forget these moments. And then getting to go to Noah’s birthday party as a family, where this picture was taken by Ben Schoenfelder. 

 

To me, this picture represents what comes from willingly facing adversity, and overcoming it. The look of contentment on Claudia’s face was one we thought we might never see. The smile you can just barely see on Angie’s face - from something as simple as combing her daughter’s hair. These things don’t come easily, but they are more than worth it. It won’t feel like it when you’re facing them, but the obstacles you face will turn into nothing more than milestones with time. You’ll look back on the catastrophes and they’ll just be another story to share.

And the good memories get even better. Happy Homecoming day Claudia – it’s almost impossible to believe that it’s been a year already.

And Happy Valentine’s Day Ang – Eleven of these ago, I never would have dreamed this is where we would be, or understood the joy that comes from living a life with such purpose. And I know that I wouldn’t be the man than I am, or have the life that I do if you weren’t a part of it.\

 

Cross-posted from my Facebook page.

The Destruction of Sodom

If someone had asked me why the Biblical city of Sodom was blasted off the face of the earth, I would have given the answer that a large majority of Christians probably give: sexual immorality. And then I read this verse:

Now this was the sin of your sister [city] Sodom: She and her [people] were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. Ezekiel 16:49, NIV

I'm not ...a theologian, or pastor or anything approaching either of those professions, but I interpret this verse to mean that God, speaking through his prophet Ezekiel, is telling us that being arrogant (which I can be) overfed (absolutely am) and unconcerned (check!) are sins worthy of bringing a rain of fire down from the sky.

And if those are the things that we aren't supposed to do, then what are we supposed to do? "...they did not help the poor and needy." Huh....well bring on the fire I guess, because I'm all sorts of bad at that one too.

So I thank God for His mercy and love; that He has forgiven us for our sins, no matter what they may be, or when they occur, as long as we believe in Him. But then why bother talking about this? Two reasons: One - I believe it gives us a good reference for who we should be - humble, disciplined and engaged - and what we should be focused on - helping the needy. Two - To demonstrate that the things Christians tend to judge people on are not the things that God judges people on. And the things that God judges people on are things that Christians tend to pay as little attention to as possible, because they're just as bad at them as everyone else.

 

 

 

-Cross-posted from my Facebook page.

Automatons!

So I’ve decided to give up on this whole ‘Christianity’ thing. Instead, I’m starting my own group, and I would like to formally invite all of you to join it. I call my group - The Automatons! (See, that’s clever, because I work in Automation)

My early focus is going to be on recruiting, and I think a good place to start would be with a Doctor. I mean, they’re smart, compassionate and make a good living; they’re the ideal member – so how about it Jordan, want to be an Automaton? After that, I definitely want to make sure that I’ve got some down-to-earth, hard-working people on board; mechanics, landscapers and delivery people would probably be best. I’ve never met a successful handyman/landscaper who was lazy or lacked common sense – so how about it Dave, you want in? Ok, so I’ve got white collar, I’ve got blue collar….what am I missing? Duh! Women! Who in their right mind would ever trust an organization run by, and entirely comprised of men? So I’ll need women who are intelligent and energetic….hey Rebecca , want to be an Automaton?

Great! I’ve got my core membership, but here’s where it gets a little weird. Jordan, I need you to walk to Brazil, and all along the way, tell people how great I am. Dave, sorry buddy, I need you to go to Russia – same thing: walk the whole way (OK, fine, take a boat as necessary) but be telling people about my greatness the whole time. Rebecca, I hate to say it, especially because you just got married and all, but you get China. I would recommend some sensible shoes, but it’s your choice if you’d rather wear those violently pink 6 inch heels from your wedding. Just remember, there is no medical coverage on these assignments. Oh, and don’t any of you bother bringing any extra clothes or any other supplies with you. If people along the way won’t give you a place to rest and food or water, just keep walking until you find someone who will.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll tell you that the chances are very good of you being mocked, robbed, arrested, beaten, imprisoned, tortured and eventually executed. I fully expect all of you to keep telling everyone how great I am, even if you are turned into living candles for a king’s garden, fed to lions or worse – forced to watch reality TV marathons. Also, until the time of your torture and execution, I expect you to conduct yourselves worthy of ambassadors for me, and to be so impressive that other people will want to live their lives, just as you have lived yours.  Make sure you send these new Automatons to any place or people that you have not been able to reach, so that the word of my greatness reaches all the corners of the Earth.
No? Whadya mean no? You don’t want to give up your jobs, families and comfortable lives to walk the earth and eventually be tortured to death, all for the sake of telling people about me? Well why not? You don’t believe I’m that great!? You think I’m lying, and not worthy of your loyalty!? Geez, what does a guy have to do to get some respect around here? OK, fine – what do I have to do to get you to believe me?

…

To me, this is (or should be) the central question about Christianity. Not “Why doesn’t God fix that?” but “What would have made them live like that?”  Luke was a Doctor, Peter and Andrew were fishermen, Matthew was a government employee – None of them were fools, to have the jobs they had, but they all chose to derail their lives because Jesus told them to. So did many, many more fishermen, farmers, carpenters, doctors, clergy and servants.  They all chose to continue following Jesus’ instructions for them, even after they witnessed his execution.  And many of his followers refused to renounce His name, even when being tortured and murdered.

So what must Jesus have done to make them believe so strongly?

What would you have to see him do to make you willing to do these things?

Cross-posted from my Facebook page.