Automatons!

So I’ve decided to give up on this whole ‘Christianity’ thing. Instead, I’m starting my own group, and I would like to formally invite all of you to join it. I call my group - The Automatons! (See, that’s clever, because I work in Automation)

My early focus is going to be on recruiting, and I think a good place to start would be with a Doctor. I mean, they’re smart, compassionate and make a good living; they’re the ideal member – so how about it Jordan, want to be an Automaton? After that, I definitely want to make sure that I’ve got some down-to-earth, hard-working people on board; mechanics, landscapers and delivery people would probably be best. I’ve never met a successful handyman/landscaper who was lazy or lacked common sense – so how about it Dave, you want in? Ok, so I’ve got white collar, I’ve got blue collar….what am I missing? Duh! Women! Who in their right mind would ever trust an organization run by, and entirely comprised of men? So I’ll need women who are intelligent and energetic….hey Rebecca , want to be an Automaton?

Great! I’ve got my core membership, but here’s where it gets a little weird. Jordan, I need you to walk to Brazil, and all along the way, tell people how great I am. Dave, sorry buddy, I need you to go to Russia – same thing: walk the whole way (OK, fine, take a boat as necessary) but be telling people about my greatness the whole time. Rebecca, I hate to say it, especially because you just got married and all, but you get China. I would recommend some sensible shoes, but it’s your choice if you’d rather wear those violently pink 6 inch heels from your wedding. Just remember, there is no medical coverage on these assignments. Oh, and don’t any of you bother bringing any extra clothes or any other supplies with you. If people along the way won’t give you a place to rest and food or water, just keep walking until you find someone who will.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll tell you that the chances are very good of you being mocked, robbed, arrested, beaten, imprisoned, tortured and eventually executed. I fully expect all of you to keep telling everyone how great I am, even if you are turned into living candles for a king’s garden, fed to lions or worse – forced to watch reality TV marathons. Also, until the time of your torture and execution, I expect you to conduct yourselves worthy of ambassadors for me, and to be so impressive that other people will want to live their lives, just as you have lived yours.  Make sure you send these new Automatons to any place or people that you have not been able to reach, so that the word of my greatness reaches all the corners of the Earth.
No? Whadya mean no? You don’t want to give up your jobs, families and comfortable lives to walk the earth and eventually be tortured to death, all for the sake of telling people about me? Well why not? You don’t believe I’m that great!? You think I’m lying, and not worthy of your loyalty!? Geez, what does a guy have to do to get some respect around here? OK, fine – what do I have to do to get you to believe me?

…

To me, this is (or should be) the central question about Christianity. Not “Why doesn’t God fix that?” but “What would have made them live like that?”  Luke was a Doctor, Peter and Andrew were fishermen, Matthew was a government employee – None of them were fools, to have the jobs they had, but they all chose to derail their lives because Jesus told them to. So did many, many more fishermen, farmers, carpenters, doctors, clergy and servants.  They all chose to continue following Jesus’ instructions for them, even after they witnessed his execution.  And many of his followers refused to renounce His name, even when being tortured and murdered.

So what must Jesus have done to make them believe so strongly?

What would you have to see him do to make you willing to do these things?

Cross-posted from my Facebook page.