Why The Scholar's Parrot?

As the Ruin Falls by C.S. Lewis

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains. 

     This is one of my favorite poems. The first time I read it I thought that it could have been written about me. When I talk about God’s Love, or His Grace, or His Will for us, I feel like the only thing people are going to hear is the squawking of a parrot. I use words that everyone recognizes, but I’m just a dumb animal repeating them without any understanding.
     Moreover, the people who really, truly know me, who know who and what I am, must be disgusted and annoyed at my lecturing. Selfish, self-seeking mercenary, looking only for pleasure, reassurance and peace – I’m not sure that I could describe myself better (without using the words stubborn and impulsive anyway).
     But something Pastor Dave said on a Sunday a while back has been stuck in my mind since I heard it (and I’m going to paraphrase it poorly here): Make sure you’re reading off the right script. When I believe that I am too far gone, too damaged and way too screwed up for God to be able to change me, I’m reading off the wrong script. Call it the World’s script if you’re pragmatic, or call it Satan’s script if you’re Churchy, just know that God’s script says that we can change. To shamelessly steal from Pastor Dave’s message again, God used Saul – THE guy trying to eradicate the early Christians – to reach more people for God than probably anyone before or since. And to use an example from my own life – I hated kids. HATED them. Wanted absolutely nothing to do with them. And people with Special Needs used to freak me out. Made me so uncomfortable that I would go out of my way to avoid them.
     Now? Now I'm still all of the horrible things I was before. Still selfish, arrogant and conceited. But I am also doing my best to do what God wants me to do. I have found the space in my heart for people other than myself, for people who may never be able to repay a kindness or say "Thanks." But I am finally seeing these individuals, and especially these children, and the most worthy people in the World.

     So why The Scholar's Parrot? This is going to be my base of operations for raising money for a little boy in Colombia known as "Vaughn" as part of the Reece's Rainbow Christmas fundraising drive - Angel Tree. Angle Tree has a very special place in my heart - but that's another post.

     Vaughn turns seven years old shortly after Christmas this year, and I would love to see enough money in his account so that nothing stands between him and his family. Vaughn does have Down Syndrome, but if you've caught any of my recent Facebook posts, you know that this is a Blessing, not a curse.
     I have (what I think are) some pretty interesting ideas for how to raise money for Vaughn. In fact, they're so interesting that I need to get Angie's (my wife's) permission before I can commit to them. I'm also going to use this as a forum for some of my long-form ideas - I understand that not everyone wants to read the equivalent of six pages of writing in a tiny little Facebook post on their phone. I intend to keep the political stuff to a minimum, or banish it to yet another blog, so that people with zero interest aren't forced to read it.

Stay tuned.